Reflections: Thanksgiving

As the year approaches an end I’ve started taking stock of how and where I spent my greatest resource – TIME.

Time is the one thing that makes us equal. We all get the same amount. Since owning my Jesus Ninja title, I literally experienced Hell’s operations in ways I can’t even describe. Like Satan really went ALL out to Kill, Steal and Destroy everything attached to me. He used things, people and situations. He played mind games that pushed me to my limits. There were times I was just like “Lord I’m done, I can’t and won’t do this anymore”.

I didn’t know a person could experience that level of pain and still be alive. I questioned the whole Salvation deal, in my anger I told God “no wonder Jonah ran away and everyone you use gives up at some point. Your ways are just too much!”. I was hurt, angry and really felt this Christian thing was not working for me anymore.

I now look back and can see how He was working for my good all this time. How, in my state of pain, He used me to be a blessing to others. How He covered me from destructive thoughts. How He gave me the grace to accomplish things that were deemed impossible, especially with the completion of my Psychology Masters degree. How He covered me from feeling overwhelmed by Satan’s attacks through preserving my soul. That is the ONE thing Satan couldn’t touch🙌

How he connected me with people who would pray with and for me. How He taught me the power of praising Him in ALL situations. Most importantly how He loved me during those hectic moments when I was literally all alone with no one to share my pain with. He gently took whatever I was clutching in my broken heart and replaced it with a soothing balm that no person could ever have offered.

He has been my confidant, my comforter, my counselor, my rock, my shield, my provider, my peace.

Father thank you for the gift of life. I may not have everything I have asked from you YET, but I have YOU. May your word forever be a lamp unto my feet as I navigate life in this weird and crazy planet!

Reflections: Purpose during Pain

Never realised that God could still use a person while they are in pain. I guess I figured His will is only for those who are trending, slaying or in a fabulous space mentally, emotionally and spirituality.

My perception changed when a friend asked me if I would have served God willingly had I been trending, slaying or in a fabulous space?

My honest answer was “Nope”.

See, I like to do what seems pleasing in MY sight (don’t judge, pray for me). I HATE pain and just looooove my naps. My mom would call it lazy but I call it being efficient. I’m obsessed with saving energy😊 Somewhere in the definition of efficiency there is “minimum effort” – that’s me!

But, just like the Eagle mom; God put things in my “napping and efficiency” nest to make me feel uncomfortable enough so I could learn how to fly.

Look, I love God with ALL that I am, but I find His human creation rather questionable..

Like how can I have a sensitive spirit with a hot-temper? A mind that can be focused, analytical and logical yet be so easily distracted by Satan? A fighting spirit that can be easily discouraged when it sees zero results? Doesn’t make sense to me. But then, I don’t make sense to myself most of the time.

I always wished I was calmer, nicer, gentler, basically I wished to be things that I was not cos I believed that’s the only time God could use me. Yet He used me just as I was while going through what felt like the Meshack and friends fire!

There were times I was burning so badly (you know the kind of fire that is beyond the Degrees or Fahrenheit scale), I was ready to just abandon my faith and my life. I just couldn’t anymore! Since His hand is not too short to save us, His hand reached me there and pulled me out. Don’t you just love how God can meet you at your level?

I always ask myself why I have not abandoned my faith in Him? Well, today I got the answer:

1. He gave me a heart of LOVE

2. He LOVED me at my worst

3. In this season of my life; He organized people like my family and friends to remind me that there is purpose in my pain

4. He showed me that I am still worthy of His Love even though I didn’t feel worthy. That I can’t “buy” His Love through trying to be what I’m not!

I’m blessed to have people who literally were there almost EVERYDAY to keep me from doing stupid things. These people never allowed me to throw a “pity party” and if I threw one, they just didn’t join😂. Instead they prayed, talked to me, made me laugh and reminded me that God IS bigger – IRRESPECTIVE of what my pity party looked liked.

5. He created ME in His image. Nothing about ME suprises God. The gifts and callings He gave ME are irrevocable. He loves ALL His VERY different (and sometimes crazy) children

Please STOP trying to “fix” yourself.

GO👏 To 👏 The 👏 One👏 who created you!! The One who decides whether you will wake up tomorrow or not.

GO just as you are and He will decide if any fixing needs to happen. He LOVES YOU❤❤❤❤

Jesus, thank you for the gift of Salvation!

Reflections: All Comes Down To Love

It would be an injustice if I didn’t acknowledge the role sisterhood plays in shaping great women. If you have been following my blog you will note a point where I once did such.

But, there are two women who have shown me that sisterhood transcends differences in character. First there is Tshego who is married to a beautiful woman. I could have chosen to be religious and upheld my knowledge of Theology. I didn’t. I chose to love her because I identify with her annointed Self. Since I’m without sin I CANNOT cast ANY stones. I didn’t create her – God did and loves ALL His children.

I have instead been a recipient of Tshego’s anointing because I realised that the gifts and callings of God are without repentance. She listened to me cry, acted on it and expected no praise or reward about a VERY burning thorn in my flesh.

Second is Lenkie. Satan would have loved for us to be enemies. Yet somehow our paths crossed and a beautiful relationship was born. She has been there to bring humour and some clarity on stuff I usually deal with.

Lesson learned is “Be careful who you go around hating and feeling self-righteous about – GOD CAN USE ANYBODY”. It’s His Creation, so it’s His rules.

Guys this life thing is tricky. Love is what makes life bearable. Love from my family is the core of my survival yet love from people who owe me nothing is beyond measure!

Lord thank you for these imperfect women who have demonstrated your perfect LOVE.

Yes Bebe, it truly does “ALL come down to ❤❤❤”.

May LOVE prevail in your life ALWAYS.

Sermon Time: Nothing Wasted

I have read or listened to Matthew 14:13-21 quite a few times and only today I got my AHA! moment. The scripture was more than just the miracle of multiplied fish and bread loaves. Its the process..

So Jesus was told by the disciples there was lack of food. He decided to work with what was available at that moment. No one needed to leave and go anywhere to get food.

So picture this, people have been spending their time in Jesus’ presence feeding their souls with His word. It’s now late and physiology kicks in with hunger.. Jesus did not pray the hunger away – He gave the people food using what LOOKED like lack to the disciples.

You WILL go through moments of hunger even while you were busy doing God’s will with your time. God WILL provide for whatever you NEED, using what you may be viewing as lack.

The process:

1. Jesus first blessed the food THEN

2. Broke it THEN

3. Multiplied it

He blessed first because it is only with God’s hand in whatever we are going through that we survive brokenness. That’s why the Bible says “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed” Lam 3:22. So you can trust that whatever state of brokenness you experience, His hand is there with and for you.

When something breaks, it multiplies.. you become more than what you were. Now I understand why Paul said he rejoices in his tribulations. No I’m not there yet.. I kick, scream and get mad when going through brokenness. Don’t judge me.. pray for me please.

My favorite part is nothing that overflowed from the multiplication went to waste! Jesus asked that it be gathered! You get blessed, broken, multiplied and gathered! Oh but Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!! Lord continue to use what others view as lack or nothing! You did it with fish and bread, I believe you can do it with me!

Most of my blog entries where inspired by some form of brokenness. Each experience has brought me closer to Him. He is ALL I know to run to with my wounds and pains. I even joked with my friend that can God please pick less painful methods to get me to write! It seems pain triggers the writer in me..

So guys, what breaks me, may not break you; YET it’s still brokenness. I thank God for the people in my life who are there when I am breaking bad. They remind me of Whose I am and His track record!

Find such people in your life who will always remind you that God is bigger than any brokenness. Who will patiently listen to your rants and raves then gently remind you who God is. Who will validate your feelings because they too have walked a similar path. Who remind you that GOD LOVES YOU with your dramatic, cry-baby, diva self!

YOU ARE HIS!

Be and stay blessed ALWAYS!

Sermon Time: Misunderstood

After reading Luke 18:34 I realised how most of my life is just misunderstood. I have spent most of my life trying to explain my character and personality. Since I realised most people didn’t get me, I would sadly just conform out of fear of being alone.

From the outside the world would call me blessed. I have a loving and supportive family, I’m educated and live a generally fair quality of life. Inside though it’s a different reality…

Each day I have to choose to rise above my insecuties that my life is random and I’m just occupying space on earth. That I might die alone with 73 cats. That I’ll keep on pursuing this abundant life which is vividly etched in my brain yet not coming to fruition. That I’ll die full of seeds I never planted.

A person might read this and say “nice life problems Elaine”. Before you judge, understand that I have set my markers of success diffently to you. My key markers are:

  1. To use EVERY gift God gave me to add value to others. He has shown me my talents and like you, they are many.
  2. To produce academic literature that will influence humanity in a positive way.
  3. To live a life of constant overflow of resources. I despise that feeling of not being able to do something due to lack of resources.
  4. To do the kind of work that is aligned to my purpose.

Right now I feel as if I’m so far off this mark. When I tell people about my dilemma, I’m mostly met with blank stares, apathy or a “get over it” response. Its a lonely experience. It is also draining to keep explaining yourself. Satan knows this lonely experience so he keeps telling me to just give up since no one gets my “crazy” self.

If, like me, you are going through this; I want to remind you that Jesus knows exactly what it’s like. Talk to Him. Also find that person who will remind you of God’s promises even if they don’t understand your “thing”. Sometimes all we need is for someone to genuinely listen and pray with us to continue this journey of life.

You are not “too anything”, infact you are walking with all these annointed seeds waiting to be connected to fertile ground. Guard those “complicated” seeds. It’s okay if they don’t get you. You were not created in their image. Go to the one in Whose image you were created.

Pour your heart out to your Maker, your God. The Alpha and Omega. The Author and Finisher of your faith. He is waiting.

Be and stay blessed.