Never realised that God could still use a person while they are in pain. I guess I figured His will is only for those who are trending, slaying or in a fabulous space mentally, emotionally and spirituality.
My perception changed when a friend asked me if I would have served God willingly had I been trending, slaying or in a fabulous space?
My honest answer was “Nope”.
See, I like to do what seems pleasing in MY sight (don’t judge, pray for me). I HATE pain and just looooove my naps. My mom would call it lazy but I call it being efficient. I’m obsessed with saving energy😊 Somewhere in the definition of efficiency there is “minimum effort” – that’s me!
But, just like the Eagle mom; God put things in my “napping and efficiency” nest to make me feel uncomfortable enough so I could learn how to fly.
Look, I love God with ALL that I am, but I find His human creation rather questionable..
Like how can I have a sensitive spirit with a hot-temper? A mind that can be focused, analytical and logical yet be so easily distracted by Satan? A fighting spirit that can be easily discouraged when it sees zero results? Doesn’t make sense to me. But then, I don’t make sense to myself most of the time.
I always wished I was calmer, nicer, gentler, basically I wished to be things that I was not cos I believed that’s the only time God could use me. Yet He used me just as I was, going through what felt like the Meshack and friends fire!
There were times I was burning so badly (you know the kind of fire that is beyond the Degree or Fahrenheit scale), I was ready to just abandon my faith and my life. I just couldn’t anymore! Since His hand is not too short to save us, His hand reached me there and pulled me out. Don’t you just love how God can meet you at your level?
I always ask myself why I have not abandoned my faith in Him? Well, today I got the answer:
1. He gave me a heart of LOVE
2. He LOVED me at my worst
3. In this season of my life; He organized people like my family and friends to remind me that there is purpose in my pain
4. He showed me that I am still worthy of His Love even though I didn’t feel worthy. That I can’t “buy” His Love through trying to be what I’m not!
I’m blessed to have people who literally were there almost EVERYDAY to keep me from doing stupid things. These people never allowed me to throw a “pity party” and if I threw one, they just didn’t join😂. Instead they prayed, talked to me, made me laugh and reminded me that God IS bigger – IRRESPECTIVE of what my pity party looked liked.
5. He created ME in His image. Nothing about ME suprises God. The gifts and callings He gave ME are irrevocable. He loves ALL His VERY different (and sometimes crazy) children
Please STOP trying to “fix” yourself.
GO👏 To 👏 The 👏 One👏 who created you!! The One who decides whether you will wake up tomorrow or not.
GO just as you are and He will decide if any fixing needs to happen. He LOVES YOU❤❤❤❤
Jesus, thank you for the gift of Salvation!