Ever had those moments when you feel fragile all the time? Its like a fly passing could easily set you off into a darkness of grief? Well, this morning was one of those moments. I can’t even remember the actual topic between my sister and I. I remember feeling this choking, trying to hold off matured tears from long lasting pain. I just burst out crying. That ugly cry! Then the words came and attached themselves to the tears. Words describing a much younger me.
As if God sent her an emergency whatsapp, my friend sent me a link about Tyler Perry sharing his journey with Joel Oesteen. Immediately I realised how harboring feelings of anger and unforgiveness about my childhood were eating me alive. That little broken girl wanted to be acknowledged. She was tired of being ignored. So I wrote her a letter.
Jesus said “come who are heavy burdened..” An invitation I chose to reject because I was busy building walls of “tough chick” around my fragile heart.
Today I gladly accepted the invitation and took my fragile heart to Him, so I can forgive and heal and tap into that abundant life Jesus promised. Here is the letter below. I pray that you can trust Him with whatever is festering in your mind, body, soul and spirit. He answered me. He will answer you. Call Him.
Dear 3 to 8 year old Erengai Elaine,
First I want to apologize for ignoring your cries for so long. I was too busy plastering you because I was afraid and ashamed to face you. Forgive me.
I have acknowledged your cries and I’m validating your pain. You went through things that no child should. Feeling abandoned, rejected and unwanted at that age was not right. You couldn’t dream like the other kids or be free spirited as a child should cos you were too busy trying to survive the “foster care” system.
I’m sorry for all the good night hugs and kisses you missed from your mom and dad
I’m sorry for the validation statements you missed
I’m sorry for the fight or flight behaviours you had to learn to survive
I want you to know that you are loved and always have been – by your Maker
I know they said He was this judge waiting to send you to hell to some guy with a fork and horns – He is NOT
He is Love
He is Joy
He is Peace
And HE LOVES YOU!
Embrace Him fully
He wants to embrace you and make up for all those hurts
He validated you before you were conceived
He validates you each day through His Word
He is your Father
He is your God
You are created in His image
In the name of Jesus,
Forgive and Heal child
The adult you