After dealing with Shame, I dealt with its treacherous friend Anger.. I was more angry at myself than the ex..
How could I, the psychologist in training allow myself to be in such a rubbish situation? The fierce, independent me had allowed herself to be in this state? I was beyond livid!
So I started building walls around me. I vowed to never allow any man, woman or living organisms to hurt me ever again. What I did not realise was that, while building these walls I was also protecting myself from me.
I was bitter, angry, hurt and just limping through life. I was a functional hate-a-lista.. Men were the primary object of my hatred followed by so-called Christians. My relationship with God was tainted by this hatred for His creation. I was isolated and depressed. My only purpose for breath was this small human being depending on me.
My son is a miracle. Born at 27 weeks, he truly fought to live. He was my constant reminder that there is purpose in pain. That I serve a relationship kinda God who meets you exactly where you are. Anger consumed my Joy, energy and hairline.
I sadly spent about 2 years in a relationship with Anger. At the time I believed I needed to stay angry to be focused. But LOVE beckoned.. To be more precise, God beckoned me..