There is unfortunately no guide on how to build your life from scratch that works 100%. Most of what we know about new territory is through trial and lots of errors!
Single mom and woman is a title I had never desired for myself, yet it was my reality. One of the challenges of being a single parent is that even though you have a support system, some things are solely yours to tackle. Balancing work, studies, the child and life in general was tricky. You learn to navigate through these aspects realising that if you don’t show up, no one will.
Men would approach me and my first thought would be “where the hell will I fit him?”. I found dating just exhausting. The game had changed since I last dated. I was meeting men who just wanted to settle down and start a family. Men who just wanted a good time. Men who were interested in other things instead of companionship. It is for this reason I stayed single for almost 5 years after my divorce.
I stayed on the sidelines and just observed and learned. I also used the time to discover what I was clear I did not want in a relationship. I prayed and invested in my relationship with my Creator. That is what kept me sane. Are you not lonely? The question well-meaning people would ask. The truth is, nope. I was too busy figuring out who I was and what I wanted my legacy to be for my son.
Yes I went out on dates but would not meet someone who would break my rather selfish relationship I had with Self.. In short, I believe I was just not open to love. I was very sceptical about the “good” ones and amused by the dodgy ones. Men were more an object for my analytical mind than a possibility for a companion.
While going through the phase of navigating I learned that the heart has an amazing ability to heal, forgive and move on. It takes longer for others but once you allow the beauty of healing to take its course you start to experience this Joy and freedom.
You fall in love with yourself and the world in a different and intimate kinda way. You still have places that hurt, but they no longer control you. You are more selective about which BS to terminate and which to tolerate. You find power in knowing that you don’t have to react to everything thrown at you, that it’s ok to sometimes just duck and move on. You learn to embrace your scars and start celebrating the gift of life!
Take your time to navigate your new territory and redefining yourself!